A couple of weeks ago I was reading a blog that I regularly follow and enjoy. Suddenly, I found myself in the throes of a very judgemental state of mind. This threw me off-kilter because honestly, I do not think of myself as a judgemental person. I like to think that I am very much a person who believes in the ability of each person to live their joy and live it to the fullest.
Just for some background so you can get the gist of what I was reading –this was an article about a new phase in the blogger’s life with her children. Her husband of many years had died of cancer after a long battle three months prior. In this article she was introducing her readers to her new husband.
At first that was my reaction as well. It was also the reaction of many , many people who also read the article. But unlike some of the readers who felt the need to comment and rip this blogger to pieces I stopped and took a long, hard look at why my reaction was judgement. For who am I to judge another person and his or her choices for what is best in their life?
The Internet is filled with people who think they can say whatever they want because they are hidden behind a computer screen. I guarantee that half of the people who made very cruel comments on this woman’s blog would never have had the fortitude to say it to her face in real life. However, this is the world we live in and it is a fact of life these days. But as I scrolled through the comments a vast majority of them were positive but the negative ones really and truly pulled my heart apart. Why? Because my first reaction was negative as well. As I read the article my internal reactions ranged from “Oh my Gawd!” to “Wow that was quick!” to “Not much of a grieving period…”
I literally had to scold myself back to my senses. What was I thinking?? Who was I to make a judgement about this woman? I have been following her story for over a year. I knew she loved her husband. I knew she was heartbroken and bereft at his passing. So why did I go negative first? Why couldn’t I just be happy for this beautiful woman and her adorable children as they found new life. new hope and new love?
I had to stop and think long and hard about that –why did I go negative? As much as it pains me to admit I think I let in too much of the outside world and its forces into my mind. Too much time scrolling on Facebook, too much negative news being thrust upon me every time I turn on the television, too much time watching programs that put appearances above character and morality, too many times reading an article and then scrolling through and reading vitriolic comments. Too much. And now I have to admit that it is starting to rub off on me.
Renowned businessman Jim Rohn once said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.” and I think this also applies to the things you watch, read and surround yourself with as well.
I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME A JUDGY JUDGERSON spewing negativity wherever I go like some sort of unwanted disease. I want to spread light and positivity and mindfulness and do it with grace and kindness. I need to be mindful of where my thoughts go and when that Judgy Judgerson raises her evil head I will stop her and tell her to go sit down she is not needed in my life.
The blogger who sparked my internal crisis is young and has a whole life to live out. She also has five beautiful and very young children to raise and care for each day.There is no set timeframe on grief. I am sure she grieved every day during her late husband’s illness. But you can not wake the dead. Life does indeed go on…and Life is meant for the living and she needs to actually live her life in the present and not hold on to the past forever..
And so the first step I took in quieting that judging , negative voice in my mind, was to click on the comments section on her blog and write “I am so happy for you and your beautiful children.”
And you know what? I am. I really and truly am.
Till Next Time!