Please Excuse Our Mess : ON THE WRIGHT PATH Will be undergoing a brand/mission makeover and renovation project

Coming soon Autumn 2017!

I am pleased to announce that this here little blog will be undergoing some intense rebranding and renovation over the next few weeks. I have decided to finally follow my own damn passions and stop holding back from what I really want my places on the internet to be.  The blog will still be called ON THE WRIGHT PATH but with a whole new focus and commitment to being true to my authentic self and the things, ideas and people I am passionate about. For anyone who has stuck around during my “hiatus” this is to let you know that I am coming back with bigger and better content and a whole new attitude ! I do so hope you will join me on this brand new endeavor! Invite your friends, grab a cup of java and let me entertain you!

 

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This is a Letter of Forgiveness

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July 12, 2017

 

Dear Mrs. —————-,

This letter was a long time in coming. I have spent the last few years in deep therapy, both one on one and in group therapy. And all the therapists, doctors and psychiatrists say the same thing–”In order to move on.. you must forgive the hurts of the past.”  This letter is not meant to hurt you in any way. This letter just is what it is.

 

I didn’t want to write it and for a long time I had no intention of ever doing so. I am stubborn that way. However, this  is not about my stubborness. This is about forgiveness.  And NO it is not me asking for it. It is me giving it.

 

See, after all this time I can and I do forgive you. I have to not for your sake, but for my own. It is an act of compassion and self-love to myself that I extend this forgiveness to you.  I forgive you for hurting me. For you were the one person I always thought loved me in spite of all my insecurities, my low self-esteem, my failures.  It was wrong of me to think that way–of course you had other people you thought more highly of and loved more. I was naive and selfish and I wanted to fit in so bad with those other people , even when I knew I stood out like a flashing neon sign.  

 

But I don’t want to fit in. I am not meant to and you know what ? After all this time I no longer want the burden of fitting in with those people.  I may not have been the best person or a good enough person for the family. What you and the others saw as selfish and self-centered was really just absolute fear of judgement and paralyzing anxiety and panic. Inner self loathing and a need to be wanted and accepted.  But I spent so much time in my head …so afraid of being judged and yet I was always judged no matter how hard I tried and so I stopped trying. What was the point? I could never make them like me or accept me.

 

I made an enormous mistake seven years ago. A mistake in which I almost lost my life in one night. I never told anyone the whole story outside of my husband and my therapists.  The mistakes and the choices made were mine but I didn’t deserve the beating or the rape and sodomy that came after the beating was done or the terror in the years to follow.

 

I will not tell you everything it is not yours to know …but know this –my husband loves me and God blessed me with the most amazing daughter in the world.   I know I am going to be okay someday when the nightmares end..But I am learning how to forgive myself. And in forgiving myself I am forgiving others as well. In time maybe I will forgive everyone and live with an open heart.. no longer afraid, no longer broken.

 

I admit I made a lot of mistakes. Life is full of mistakes. It is how we grow and learn. I understand that now.  But no one deserves to be treated the way I was. It was purposely and pointedly hurtful. Not just the exclusion from the wedding or meeting your new family but the emails that were sent to my husband that were vitriolic and full of hatred.  And I blamed you for a very long time.  I hated you even. But I can’t hold on to that anymore. Hate is useless.  I need to forgive and I need to move on.  I am glad you are happy now and you have all the things you ever wanted.  I am ever grateful for those sweet years when I was a young girl and that is what I will hold onto– I will remember the good and all the bad will just be laid to rest.  Forgiven but perhaps never truly forgotten.

 

I don’t want anything from you–I don’t want to a relationship or a friendship …I don’t want to know you …I don’t want anything except to heal myself and yes, in this instance I guess I am being selfish. But it is selfish because I need to be..because my daughter and my husband need me to be selfish so that I do not fall down a rabbit hole of darkness again because if I do I may never return and my beautiful child needs me and I need her. My husband needs me and I need him. That is ultimately why I am doing this …for myself and my little family.

 

Forgiveness is a release and a freedom that I have longed for. I have longed for it for such a long time and now I am able to say it and mean it  so I am extending it.  I am putting it out to you and the Universe that I forgive the hurt and the past. I am no longer pained by it. What is done is done and it no longer upsets my peace or my mind. Where you and I stand I know now that my soul is at peace. 

 

I just wanted you to know. It doesn’t matter if you care or not. I needed to do this for my own soul.  

 

Have a wonderful life and I hope that you have found all the happiness you want. And maybe one day your heart will learn forgiveness as well.

 

Sincerely,

LAW

 

The Birds Outside My Window

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*Not my window*

I have never been particularly interested in birds. They were never my cup of tea. I prefer cats and dogs –animals you can pet, cuddle with , and love while you bury your head in their soft fur. Birds? They are loud and chaotic and they poop everywhere! They are not cuddly animals. Birds never interested me until this winter.

I don’t know what prompted me to do it. It could have been the fact that I spend way to much time on Pinterest collecting ideas, but I remember thinking at the end of October  just as all the leaves were falling off the tree in our front yard, that our preschooler would get a kick out of making a bird feeder out of a milk jug.  I carefully cut the holes and tied the string and the Peanut very diligently used every marker she owned to decorate it. We hung it in our tree and put the bird seed in.  It looked clunky and unbalanced and quite the sight dangling from our almost bare tree in the front yard. But my daughter was excited to “help feed the birds in the winter”.

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*These turned out nicer than ours did lol*

The birds did not come right away. We were both a bit disappointed. I had thought they would come right away but no, only Mr. Squirrel came trying to figure out how to get out onto the skinny branch that hung over the lawn where our makeshift bird feeder hung  precariously. But after a few days of seeing him hanging all over the branches above the feeder and below it I could tell he could not get a firm purchase from which to steal the bird seed. Now if only the birds would come I would feel better about having spent ten dollars on a  giant bag of bird seed.

It took about a week but then the little birds came. Fat little, chubby birds with black and white markings. I had no clue what they were. They were hyper little things. They flew from branch to branch all over the tree inspecting the milk jug. I watched from our front window suddenly fascinated by their frenetic movements and shrill little calls to one another and quivering with the anticipation of  the “would they or won’t they” go to the bird feeder.  At long last (perhaps 5 minutes) one little chubby one fluffed all his feathers  up as he was sitting on the branch nearest the milk jug and in a flash dove right into the bird feeder.  Then he flew out and another flew in . These little cherub birds actually  qued up  off the branches and took turns flying in and out of the bird feeder. I smiled. Success!

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*My little cherub birds -also called Chickadees.*

I told my daughter when I picked her up from Preschool that little birds had visited our bird feeder. She happily spent two hours that afternoon sitting in front of our bay window playing and waiting for the birds to come back.  They did not disappoint. The Peanut was enthralled with the little birds flying in and out of the tree.

We were enjoying it-watching these little birds fly about every day and play. We looked up the birds and discovered they were a type of finch. We both thought they were adorable and funny they way they puffed up all their feathers and dove into the opening of the bird feeder. They played games too, we discovered, as one fluffy little guy would dive bomb the feeder and scatter some seeds on the ground and the others would dive in from high above. It was more entertaining than any television program.

Then the Blue Jays came. They are proud and warrior like.  They swooped in one day and squawked and squawked.  The little finches retreated to the tops of our little tree. There were only two Blue Jays. One stayed on the ground while the other was in the tree screeching like a banshee. Then he made a quick flick of his head and examined the bird feeder. The Blue Jay kept moving his head back and forth surveying his surroundings before he jumped up on the branch directly across from our homemade bird feeder. Then he flew in.  The other Blue Jay on the ground made a shrill cry and flew up and into the bird feeder. They were in there for less than a minute before the flew away at a rapid pace swirling through the air like two miniature blue rockets.

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*The warrior-like Blue Jay*

The Blue Jays come every day now. They squawk and push the little finches out of the feeder and up to the tops of the tree or to the electrical wires above.  If a little bird is not moving fast enough the Blue Jays will dive bomb yelling all the way until the little bird flees high above and to the safety of his little group.  The Blue Jays are bullies. But I adore them. They are fearless. They chase the neighborhood tom cat away from their territory. They seem to have a bird version of ADD–constantly moving, hopping, swooping and majestically soaring around the little tree. They are undeterred from whatever it is that they need or want and I can respect that in a bird.

One day probably close to the beginning of December. The Cardinals came. They are the polar opposite of the Blue Jays. They are stoic. They fly in with grace and calm. They wait quite patiently on the high branches while the little finches take their turns in the que at the bird feeder. When the cherubs are quite done the Cardinals fly down and land at the bird feeder to eat.  There is a male Cardinal with his red coat of feathers so bright and crimson in the winter sun the feathers look like they were coated with glitter. His mate , the female Cardinal has a duller coloring  with only a spot of crimson, however,  she has a certain regal bearing for a bird. They are inquisitive yet cautious but they have made our little tree a regular stop on their daily travels. But the best thing about the Cardinals is that they frustrate my bully Blue Jays.  The Blue Jays swoop in and yell and screech at the Cardinals and the Cardinals pay no attention to them. They do not let the Blue Jays scare them out of the tree. They are self-assured birds and frankly I think the Cardinals find the Jays a bit tedious. I often refer to the Cardinal as the King and Queen of our tree.  The two Blue Jays are Iago and Roderigo.

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*The majestic Cardinals*

We added more home-made bird feeders now for a total of four monstrously DIY looking creations hanging on branches from our little tree.  Every morning I open the curtains to our bay window, get my coffee and wait for the birds to come. Sometimes they come later in the morning after my daughter is off at school but every day for the past few months they have come and I have watched. I never thought much about birds before this little experiment. They were just birds outside, they had no meaning to me. They just were.  Now I find myself looking forward to watching their antics outside my window and learning more about the life and habits of each type of bird.  Each day is a new lesson. Each day brings something new to see.

I never thought much about birds before but now they are as much a part of my morning routine as my first cup of coffee. They bring me comfort. They bring me a sense of wonderment at how big and beautiful nature can be. They teach me about finding the beauty in every day.  I  have received so much from the birds outside my window and I cannot wait until I see my new friends each day.

Today there were two Mourning Doves outside my window.

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*Our new friends the Mourning Doves*

Till next time!

LAW

 

 

New Year New To Dos

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If you are like most people the start of the new year brings on the flurry of anticipation of what is to come and then the time-honored tradition of making resolutions. Personally, I love the new year and all that it represents. I love the idea of a blank slate and the opportunity to do something great with the year.  But I loathe resolutions.  Every year it is the same thing…make a list of resolutions …follow through on none.

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But not this year my friends! Aha! I have devised a simple yet devious way to take my wayward resolutions that never go anywhere after the third week of January and turn them into gratifying accomplishments. You may be wondering, but Laura how is that possible?

Oh it is quite simple my friends. I simply take my resolutions and turn them into goals and put them on my to do list. See, I am very action oriented when I have a visual representation in front of me.  This is why the bullet journal is such a dream planner for me.  It allows me to customize how I plan out my days, plus it allows me to utilize it for reaching my goals. Once you start filling in a habit tracker let me tell you–you will get addicted to the bullet journal!

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*image courtesy of bohoberry*

That is why this year will be different because this year I do not just have a list of things I dream about doing. this year I have goals that have actionable steps to take and cross off and that in and of itself keeps me motivated.  I am implementing a plan in my bullet journal that is called 90 Day Goals.  Basically you pick one or two goals and you plan out exactly what steps you need to do to accomplish the goal. At the end of 90 days you review your progress and if you need to tweak your goal and actions to move closer to accomplishing the goal.  This is amazing to me because I NEED to see the goal and how I plan to accomplish it written out where I can review it constantly. This is instant motivation for me.

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*image courtesy of sublime reflection*

Then I am taking my goal setting and accomplishing to a whole new level this year by adding in the LEVEL 10 Life Plan.  This is also a great visual representation of your life and your goals. Basically you want to living at a level 10 in all areas of your life such as family, finances, fitness, friends, career, etc and then you decide where you are currently and fill in your wheel to that number. I actually use a bar graph to fill in my Level 10 areas. Once you have decided where you are in each area of your life then you pick some goals for improvement. For instance take friends for example. Say I am at a level 3 but in six months time I would like to be at a level 6 so I need to decide what is it that I can do to enhance my friend zone. For me, it may be joining a book club to meet new people or joining in on a new class at the gym. Then if I take these steps and have enhanced my friend zone then in six months when I do my review I would fill in my graph to level 6. You do not need to work on all ten areas at the same time–I would never recommend that! The idea here is that you are constantly striving to improve different areas in your life so that you are reaching a Level 10 Life!

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*image courtesy of bohoberry*

So it is my goal this year to take these ideas and turn those stagnant old resolutions on their head. This year I intend to hit my targets and get stuff done!  What about you? How are you tackling the new year and your own resolutions? Let me know!

Till next time!

LAW

A New Day Has Dawned

 

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Finally our long national nightmare of this past election year has come to an end. A new President was elected whether you like him or not. Our nation made a statement. I don’t want to hear that the Russians did it or that he’s not experienced enough to do the job. Please .  We have spent eight years listening to a junior Senator from Illinois who’s biggest accomplishments prior to winning the Presidency were making a speech at the Democratic National Convention, writing a book and appearing on Oprah.

For all intents and purposes Bernie Sanders a progressive, little known Senator from Vermont should have been the Democratic nominee. He had a movement and a revolution building across our country but that did not sit well with the cronies in the DNC and as leaked emails revealed the DNC felt it was Mrs. Clinton’s time and for that the Sanders campaign and movement was run aground. There has been much talk that had the upper echelon at the DNC had not pushed so hard for Clinton and had let Sanders  continue to campaign he would have gone on to win the Democratic nomination and thus it would be  he who would now be in the Oval Office.

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Mrs. Clinton was a phenomenally flawed candidate. She did not inspire me. she did not raise my hopes or ignite my passions for a better tomorrow.  In an effort to be transparent here I will tell you that I furiously, vigorously and wholeheartedly campaigned and voted twice for her husband Former President Clinton. But Hilary inspired none of that vigor in me. She did not speak to me or my issues. She was not the candidate the country wanted or needed. No one seemed to want another four years of Obama and his policies which is essentially what Mrs. Clinton represented.  This election cycle was about change and Ms. Clinton was not about change–she was about the entrenched establishment  of which she was certainly an entrenched member and the same old same old of the past eight years.

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So when faced with the possibility of Mrs. Clinton -a not too terribly well liked Democratic candidate  and Donald J. Trump-a Republican Candidate that was brash, over bearing, in your face and most definitely not a politician, a third party candidate named Gary Johnson who did not know what Alleppo was or the issue that it represented and yet another third-party candidate so far off the public radar most people couldn’t even tell you who Jill Stein was well..what you get isn’t as some media outlets will lead you to believe that it was a massive “white backlash” who voted for Trump and got him elected…noooo what you get is disinterested voters who do not show up to excercise their right to vote at all.

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So here we stand with a new President.  So go ahead and march if you need to –it is a great right to do so here in our country. Many places in this world you would be shot down with tear gas and explosives just for assembling.  Remember the price that has been and is continued to be paid for your right to protest, to march,  and to dissent has been given to you by the blood of the millions of men and women who fight and die for our country and our freedoms everyday.  Respect the American soldier. Respect the foundation upon which this great nation was forged.

 

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But do not tell me that listening to a deranged  aging pop star talk about “blowing up the White House” is useful or that hearing the insane rambling of another low-grade actress going off about how the new President has “wet dreams” about his daughter is useful or helpful to the cause of raising women up.  It only drags you into the mud and dirt and grime.  Stand up and be heard but for God’s sake be coherent, be intelligent, and above all be educated on exactly what it is you are out there protesting.

America is a bastion of light and hope and opportunity. It is up to us to keep her great and as an example of how a truly right and just Republic works and works successfully.  A new day has dawned and now we must do the work to make sure our nation continues to be a place of hope for all who seek shelter on her shores. I for one am ever hopeful that the American people will stand together, let the divide between us close, and forge a nation we can be proud to call home.

Because at the end of the day no matter your race, your religion, your birthplace , or  your skin color WE ARE ALL AMERICANS united together in this great land.

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Till next time!

LAW

Day 1 of the 3 Quotes for 3 Days Challenge

I was nominated by  Samuditha at https://dreamdoodledraw.wordpress.com/  to post three quotes a day for three days and tell you why I adore them.   And if you haven’t gone check out her blog as it is Ahmazing! 

Okay so my three quotes are varied in their themes and meanings to me. So let’s just jump in shall we?

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I know this is a bit long but I FREAKING LOVE THIS. Why? Because this so succinctly sums up what has taken me almost my entire life time to learn.  I am not everyone’s cup of tea and you know what? I am so glad I now realize this and have stopped trying to make people who don’t like me–like me. It is a waste of time and effort and energy. Obviously these people are not meant to be in my life and I am all the better for it. I know who my people are and I have long since stopped caring what those who are NOT my people think.  It has been a cleansing and heart opening experience for me.  I recommend everyone learn this lesson sooner rather than later.

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Here is another quote where I wish I had learned the lesson in my twenties but you live and you learn, am I right? Yes I now know my worth as a wife and mother and woman and dammit the woman I have become is a once in a lifetime kind of lady.  I know my worth now. I know my value and I know that I am worthy of great love and great passion and ambition and a life so great it will not be contained.  So yes, I am not afraid to say that Ia m a once in a lifetime kind of woman.

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People always underestimate me because I am quiet and shy and don’t seem like someone who has a bite. But believe me when I tell you I am a survivor.I am more than just the “Oh woe is me I had a horrible childhood” survivor (which I did–alcoholic mother who drank all the child support money and we had no food, electricity or heat)  And I am more than just the “Oh I dated an asshole” survivor (true story –he was an alcoholic (go figure) that I almost married event though he thought “reading books is stupid” And I am more than just a survivor in the sense of medical maladies and depression but I am a survivor in the sense  that I was almost killed one night by a psychopathic maniac who then managed to game the system and get out of jail for time served–jumped parole and went killed another woman in Arkansas. I made sure his ass went to jail for life.  Don’t ever underestimate me and my ability to survive. So go ahead throw me to the wolves…and I guarantee you will hear me howl.

So those are the first three quotes that I currently adore and I will have three new ones in the blog tomorrow. So to continue on witht his fun challenge the next three blogs I nominate are as follows:

  1. Deniz Yalim @ BayArt  https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/53933263/posts/1206943276

2. Alchemist @ Logical quotes https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/116184336/posts/2443#comments

3. Unsaid Words https://anamikaablog.wordpress.com/2016/10/19/writing-block/comment-page-1/#comment-1516

Looking forward to reading theirs and finding more quotes for Day 2!

Till next time!

LAW

 

 

 

I Do Not Want To Be a “Judgy Judgerson”

 

A couple of weeks ago I was reading a blog that I regularly follow and enjoy.   Suddenly, I found myself in the throes of a very judgemental state of mind.  This threw me off-kilter because honestly, I do not think of myself as a judgemental person.  I like to think that I am very much a person who believes in the ability of each person to live their joy and live it to the fullest.

Just for some background so you can get the gist of what I was reading –this was an article about a new phase in the blogger’s life with her children. Her husband of many years had died of cancer after a long battle three months prior. In this article she was introducing her readers to her new husband.

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At first that was my reaction as well. It was also the reaction of many , many people who also read the article.  But unlike some of the readers who felt the need to comment and rip this blogger to pieces I stopped and took a long, hard look at why my reaction was judgement.  For who am I to judge another person and his or her choices for what is best in their life?

The Internet is filled with people who think they can say whatever they want because they are hidden behind a computer screen. I guarantee that half of the people who made very cruel comments on this woman’s blog would never have had the fortitude to say it to her face in real life. However, this is the world we live in and it is a fact of life these days. But as I scrolled through the comments a vast majority of them were positive but the negative ones really and truly pulled  my heart apart.  Why? Because my first reaction was negative as well. As I read the article my internal reactions ranged from “Oh my Gawd!” to  “Wow that was quick!” to “Not much of a grieving period…”

I literally had to scold myself back to my senses. What was I thinking?? Who was I to make a judgement about this woman?  I have been following her story for over a year. I knew she loved her husband. I knew she was heartbroken and bereft at his passing.  So why did I go negative first? Why couldn’t I just be happy for this beautiful woman and her adorable children  as they found new life. new hope and new love?

I had to stop and think long and hard about that –why did I go negative?  As much as it pains me to admit I think I let in too much of the outside world and its forces into my mind. Too much time scrolling on Facebook, too much negative news being thrust upon  me every time I turn on the television, too much time watching programs that put appearances above character and morality, too many times reading an article and then scrolling through and reading vitriolic comments. Too much. And now I have to admit that it is starting to rub off on me.

Renowned businessman Jim Rohn once said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.” and  I think this also applies to the things you watch, read and surround yourself with as well.

I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME A JUDGY JUDGERSON spewing negativity wherever I go like some sort of unwanted disease.  I want to spread light and positivity and mindfulness and do it with grace and kindness.   I need to be mindful of where my thoughts go and when that Judgy Judgerson raises her evil head I will stop her and tell her to go sit down she is not needed in my life.

The blogger who sparked my internal crisis is young and has a whole life to live out.  She also has five beautiful and very young children to raise and care for each day.There  is no set timeframe on grief. I am sure she grieved every day during her late husband’s illness. But you can not wake the dead.  Life does indeed go on…and Life is meant for the living and she needs to actually live her life in the present and not hold on to the past forever..

And so the first step I took in quieting that judging , negative voice in my mind, was to click on the comments section on her blog and write “I am so happy for you and your beautiful children.”

And you know what? I am. I really and truly am.

Till Next Time!

LUV,

LAW

 

Lessons From the Homefront – My Heart is Living Outside of Me

Occasionally here at ON THE WRIGHT PATH  I will write an article chronicling a lesson  I have learned or am in the process of learning as a mother and wife.  This is the first in the series.

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My heart lives outside of me.  A strange sentiment, yes? It is true.  I learned that lesson this week in all its joy and heartbreak.  See, my heart is the Little Wright. She is literally and figuratively my miracle and dream come true.

I will never forget that day ten years ago as I lay on the table at my gynecologist’s office during an exam and the doctor told me in gloomy terms that due to my myriad of health issues that conceiving a baby, let alone carrying the baby to full term would be next to impossible. I was, at the time, a newlywed, excitedly trying to plan my first pregnancy when the doctor delivered the devastating news. I remember driving home crying and cursing my body and all it could not do.  Eventually I gave up on the idea of having a baby. Mr. Wright had two girls from his previous marriage and I just resigned myself to being a step-mother.  For quite some time this was fine with myself and Mr. Wright.

Then about six years ago, I was physically assaulted, beaten and terrorized one night in my own home.  It changed everything in my life and everything about me.  But after some time spent in healing one thing became very clear to my mind and my heart .  I knew I wanted a family of my own. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Mr. Wright’s girls, but by this time the oldest was just about done high school and his other daughter was living with her grandmother five hours away.  I had a deep-seeded need to be a mother. Literally the biological clock was ticking and ticking at a furious pace (Think Marissa Tomei’s iconic scene in My Cousin Vinny    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh0210A-VZo)

And so I did the only thing I knew I could do. I prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Everyday. Begging God to let me have baby. Not just to let me have a baby, but to let me have a healthy, happy baby.  And He did. God provided me with a miracle so big and so precious I was completely in awe. I was in awe of His great love and power but I was also in awe of this teeny, tiny baby that  I had been blessed with. I remember just holding her and staring at her little gnome elf face for hours, thinking how miraculous this baby was.

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It wasn’t all angels singing and harps playing believe me! Haha! Little Wright was a pistol from the get go and there were many, many days I cried right along with her as I tried to navigate motherhood.  At the time so many people said “It will go by so fast. She will be in school before you know it.”  and I laughed at them and probably cursed them too, because when you are in the midst of poopy diapers and 2 a.m feedings and constant crying for no reason well time does not fly. Time crawls to a stop and you are perpetually exhausted and perpetually unshowered.

But then something happened. One day she was in a stroller and then the next day she was walking.  One day she was babbling in baby speak, the next day she was talking a mile a minute.  One day she was in diapers and the next day she was wearing big girl panties.

One day she was home all day, the next day she was being dropped off to PREK.  Oh how my heart broke this week. I watched her run into school on the first day and she didn’t even look back.  I was so proud yet so sad.  Because that Little Wright is my heart. She is my heart living on the outside of my body. And I am sobbing on the inside because she is no longer a baby anymore.

She is a big girl and she will go to school, she will make friends, she will fall down and get hurt, and she will continue to grow and learn.  She is not my little baby anymore.  But what hurts most is knowing that I need to let go and let her explore the world even if it means she gets hurt.  Even if it means other children may be mean to her. And that is a very hard pill to swallow my friends.

I do not know how to process these feelings yet.  To watch her grow into this big girl who is now 5 years old and see how smart and creative and wonderful she is makes me swell with pride for who she growing into. Then there is that little part of me that knows there will be times when others try to bring her down or hurt her and I can’t stop them. It breaks my heart twice. Once for the pain I know she will inevitably face in this world and twice for the pain it will cause my own heart to see my only child hurt.  That is the struggle of being a parent I believe. We nurture and cuddle these little beings and we love them so deeply that their hurts ARE our hurts as well. I must learn to balance that in my mind and in my soul to be the best parent I can be to my little girl.

However, the lesson I did learn this week was if my baby is ready to spread her wings, then I had better be prepared to let her soar.

My little heart  is soaring high and I could not be happier.

Till next time!

Luv always,

LAW

 

 

 

Listen to Your Instincts (God is Telling You Something)

We had a bit of a whirlwind of emotions amidst a chaotic crisis here in Wrightland the last two weeks. That was quite a mouthful huh??

So, Mr. Wright had been working for a fairly large corporate entity in our area for the past few years.  From the day he started we both knew something was off with the company and its corporate culture.  They claimed to be a Christian company that valued ethics and integrity and honesty yet there was a TON of political infighting, power jostling and just a very hostile working environment. However, the pay was good, overtime was promised, and quite frankly we needed the money.  It was a third shift job and we were in a bit of a financial blackhole so if Mr. Wright could be home during the day we could stop sending the Little Wright to daycare and try to catch up on some bills.  At the time it seemed to be the best plan.

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But you know when you have that nagging feeling that something just isn’t right?  Well we both had that feeling several times over the past few years.  We should have listened to it but we kept plugging along and pushed any of those nagging feelings to the side.  First thing that should have been a red flag to us was Mr. Wright’s orientation day when the HR person got in Mr. Wright’s face about not being there at 9 am on the dot. Literally he was there at 9:02 because he had to fight traffic in the middle of rush hour and he was not the only one who was walking into the conference room two minutes late.

Second red flag was the company’s use of a behavioral point system.  If they called out sick it was two points against them. If they were late it was two points against them.  If they had to leave because they got sick it was points against them.  Accumulate 16 points and personnel would fire you.  Only 1 point would come off every quarter or so for “good behavior”.  This bothered me because this promotes a culture in which the higher-ups are not subject to such a points system but the workers in the technical trades are and that promotes a hostile working environment.  So, Mr. Wright was always hyper aware of the points system and if he needed to call out due to illness or heavens forbid I was sick or the Little Wright was sick and he needed to stay home.  It was a ridiculous system in my opinion.

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Third red flag was the constant promise making but no follow through. Mr. Wright was told that he would be the next one in his department to request to move to day shift when a position opened.  A position opened on day shift  almost a year ago, Mr. Wright put in his request to move to day shift. We were excited. Night shift just was not working for our family. I was now ill battling my own illness and the Little Wright was not in school yet. Mr. Wright had to sleep all day which made it very difficult for a three-year old to play and I was out of my mind with fear and anxiety in the evenings home alone.  It was getting too much for our little family.

Day shift work would be a welcome reprieve from the stress of keeping Little Wright quiet enough for Daddy to sleep and also from never getting to spend anytime with Mr. Wright because he was either sleeping or working all the time.  However, this never happened.  Mr. Wright was told that the HR department first had to find someone for Mr. Wright to train in order for him to go to day shift.  This took months.   Then they couldn’t move Mr. Wright to day shift because the kid they did hire had a DUI hearing and they were waiting to see if he received jail time.  REALLY??? So Mr. Wright kept working nights.  The kid’s DUI hearing came to pass and he did not get jail time.  Mr. Wright again went to his supervisors requesting the day position and was told now he had to wait until they found a second person to help the kid at night.  Another waiting game ensued.

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To make a long story short, there were several more incidents that made us have doubts but Mr. Wright wanted to stick it out. This company kept promising him they would do right by him and Mr. Wright wanted to believe them because there was an opportunity to relocate to another state and work in a new plant.  So we kept brushing all these doubts and incidents away thinking it would get better. We could have a fresh start somewhere new. The job would be better once he was on day shift. Once they hired a second person all would be well. Non of it happened. In fact it got worse.  Mr.Wright was unceremoniously laid off from his job at this corporation two weeks ago. No thank you for his hard work or acknowledgement of all the times he worked 14-15 nights straight with no help. Nothing. Just crickets.

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I tell you this story because it occurred to me the other day as I was thinking about how everything played out over the last few years.  This job took an immense toll on Mr. Wright and our family.  The last six months have been quite horrible, honestly.  It caused me physical pain to watch my husband go through so much stress, broken promises, and back stabbing and  all the while he kept trying to be the bigger man and stick it out in this thankless job.  Mr. Wright  was doing what he thought was right for our little family.  But in the end we realized sticking it out may have been the worst thing he could have done.

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See, as I look over the past few years I can now see clearly that all those nagging doubts, all those broken promises, all that stress and one  horrible incident  and situation after the other, was actually God trying to make us see that this wasn’t where Mr. Wright was supposed to be  at this time. A relocation to another state with this horrid company was not the right decision.

I think after God had been trying to nudge us in the right direction since day one and we were not listening until HE finally let the hammer drop to wake us up.

Without the job we no longer could make -what we see clearly now -would have been a disastrous decision in moving out-of-state to continue to work at a company that was not a good fit for Mr. Wright or our family.  God had to hit us really hard to make us see that revelation.  But, I also learned that when it is NOT  God’s will it will NEVER be easy. You will just keep hitting Your head against the wall.  God is in control. We need to remember that.

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When you let God be the one in control things are easier.  Mr. Wright lost his job. It was terrible timing. We have a mortgage payment due, catholic school tuition, and other bills due. I was scared and Mr. Wright was scared but we let go and let God be in control.

Mr. Wright had an interview for a new job a day later and was hired the same afternoon. It is a day shift job with a lot less stress in a smaller company that is not a hostile corporate environment.

So yes, when you let GOD BE IN CONTROL  and it is HIS WILL  things will be okay.  They may not always be the way you think you want them but God will always provide. And when it is His Will it is always okay, it will never be so hard and unsurmountable.  Lesson learned.

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Till next time!

Luv,

LAW